Missing You
by Inky-Paws
Summary: In a way, the memories hurt more than physical pain itself. Realizing that he was gone was like a slap to the face. The shock of it was like being doused in a cold blast of freezing water. The realization of it was like being knocked down from a great height. Coming to term with it was like being knocked down and desperately gasping for air because he couldn't breathe.


Hi! Random little drabbles are incredibly random. I wrote something else earlier with Gabriel and Feliciano though, and I liked writing with them, so I decided to write another drabble with them. Unfortunately, unlike my last story with them, this is not fluff. Definitely not sob-your-heart-out angst, but defiantly not fluff. I have retreated to my world of sadness. I am a cruel and unusual child. But aren't we all? This is basically Chibitalia reminiscing about Holy Roman Empire after his death. (Gabriel is Holy Roman Empire.) ...enjoy, I guess?

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 **Missing You**

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"I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I'd catch myself just walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I'd seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I'd realize that you weren't there anymore, and every time, _every single time_ , it was like having the wind knocked out of me."

\- Leigh Bardugo

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It was at the strike of the hour that Feliciano found himself missing Gabriel the most.

It had become almost customary that at the strike of the hour, Gabriel would come to check on Feliciano- he was a clumsy child, prone to accidents or injuries from zoning out randomly and tripping on the stairs, the carpet, tripping on _anything_ , and it felt weird for him not to come and check on Feliciano whenever the clock struck another hour.

Feliciano would always look around confused, waiting for him to come, before it would strike him that Gabriel was gone, and if anyone was coming to check up on him, it would be Elizabeta or Roderich.

It always struck him by surprise, realizing that Gabriel wasn't there.

It would happen in the marketplace, in the city, in the house, it would happen everywhere. The clock would strike, and Feliciano would freeze in time for seconds that stretched out into minutes, and minutes that seemed to stretch out into hours, until he'd wake from the moment and realize, realize that Gabriel was gone, and he wasn't coming back. Sometimes it didn't even hit him until he'd come chattering home, saying that for some reason he didn't see Gabriel today, and ask Roderich or Elizabeta if they knew where he was. Whenever he did that, they'd freeze and stare down at him with confused with saddened eyes, not wanting to tell him again and gently remind him that Gabriel was gone.

It always would strike Feliciano then that he had forgotten again, and he'd start crying again, feel that rolling rush of depressing emotion all over again that he had first felt when Françis told him that Gabriel was dead. They always tried to remind him gently.

It never was gentle finding out all over again that his best friend, his lover, was dead, and somehow he had forgotten again.

How could it be?

He'd find himself randomly walking into the empty space that used to be Gabriel's room, trying to find him there, only to realize that he wasn't there anymore.

He'd find himself wanting to talk to talk to Gabriel, randomly, and tell him something he had heard, news in the continents, a funny joke he heard from a city guard, a story he was told, and he'd be struck through the heart all over again with the cold arrow of realization, of the icy saber of reality, that Gabriel was dead, and he certainly wasn't coming back.

He'd have nightmares where he screamed in his sleep for Gabriel, and would be woken up by a crying Elizabeta or Roderich, who'd hold him and hug him tightly, as if trying to block out the awful reality that Gabriel was dead, until his sobs quieted and he'd fall asleep again. He'd wake up and be confused as to why he didn't wake up hearing Gabriel's familiar voice, and fall back crying after remembering.

In some ways, the memories hurt more than physical pain itself.

Realizing that he was gone, over and over again, was like a cold slap to the face, like jumping into icy water, like falling from a great height and striking the stone sidewalk, like diving off a cliff into the Arctic Sea. The shock of it was like being doused in a cold blast of freezing water, the realization of it was like being knocked down from a great height, the memory of it was like slowly drowning because he couldn't swim, with no hope of being rescued, and coming to term with it was like being knocked down in a battle and realizing that everyone else was taking blow after blow without trouble, while he had been knocked to the ground with one hit, and now he was desperately gasping for air, because he couldn't breathe.

It was a growing pain in his side that ate it's way into his heart.

It was like walking on a razor blade and never realizing that you were bleeding until you had to look down.

It was like being resurrected over and over again only to die again a minute later.

Yes, missing Gabriel was an eternal death sentence.

But it was a death sentence that Feliciano would willingly live with.

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"Losing someone is the hardest thing to accept. Remembering you is easy, I do it everyday. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away."

\- Mariam Ali

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"Days will pass and turn into years, but I will always remember you with silent tears."

\- Unknown

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A/N: It's funny. When I started writing this thing, I had the quote, and the general basis that I wanted to write, but I had no idea where I was going with this one-shot until I just randomly started writing. And looking back on this, I have absolutely no clue what I wrote, or how I went from what I started with to how I ended with. No idea. Literally no idea. Me in a nutshell. Hope you enjoyed this, and thanks for reading it! Leave a review telling me what you think, I don't bite! Ciao!


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